Focusing is hard thing for me especially when it comes to navigating perception. My natural lust is to look to the future. How to move to an arbitrary endpoint, and what it’ll be like when I get there. (Defrosting is sorta fun for me because who knows what that chicken will become in 3-5 days?)
Meanwhile, my dark hobby is looking to the past. Remembering how I used to be, and how that Phong might have been in today’s shoes. What I was concerned about long ago, what I cared about…do I still care about those things? Why? Why not?
And then there’s ever present-present time. If there ever was a fake it ’til you make it, it’s me trying to live in the moment. The sunshine right now is so great! I think…it is going to rain later? Ooo, rain would be great, I can go read a book.
So this is what I’m working on at the moment. All three modes are fairly valid ways of living life. I just find myself switching a bit too much. There’s churn in the switching I think. Those little gaps of time where you question one mode over another. So many lost seconds and minutes. So many pangs of guilt.
I think I’ll come to like looking three ways. It’s just a matter of knowing when to look where, and enjoying that view when I choose it. I think…I mean I’m pretty sure when I’ve thought about it…oh, I’ll think about it later.
Dynamic Hypocrisy 