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Isolated Introspection

I’ve been trying to pinpoint why I’m feeling so fine during this outbreak.

The majority is obvious, my life is pretty stable. Everyone’s healthy. I’m not sick. My obligations are pretty simple, no kids or whatnots. I have a job.

But on a deeper level, I’ve been thinking about what else.

Even about the solitude, I’m not that bothered by. I was quite petulant when I was in the mindset of dating. But that was mostly ego, and have calmed down since then.

I’m glad to have learned how to cook from my mom. Broader, I’m glad that I got the sense of enjoyment from the family in-general.

I’m glad to be of the digital world, I find richness in it rather than dystopian despair.

I’m glad to had therapy in the past and present. I’ve been able to gain the tools to work through internal struggles, and feel much more solid and clear.

I’m glad to be trained as an artist. It’s nice to have to an outlet for both energy and a method of expressing thoughts and feelings. A release valve.

I’m glad to have found comfort in the cold universe. I’ve always liked science for a number of a reasons. But especially in the idea that of all this is chance, and the universe doesn’t care about any particular thing. I rather dread the idea of a heaven, or waiting for a better place. I enjoy what is here now, and that’s all I want.

I’m glad to have no expectations. You play the hand you’re dealt, and that’s that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sore loser in poker, but with life–you do what you can, and that’s basically the extent of it. I’m glad to have gotten that feeling from my immigrant parents.

I’m glad to have let go of too-narrow goals. It drove me during my twenties, but after an existential crisis, I’ve tried to let go of any future that’s too specific. Broader ideas of growth and general ballparks is fine with me now. (Most of the time, but that’s an internal thing to work out.) This is nice though as it lets me be flexible without wasting all that time on the guilt of “deviating.”

That’s the motley list I can think of so far.

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